I got baptized in Summer 2015, it was in a local creek and performed by a man who spoke in “tongues”, things were good for about a month. That summer I started to get anxiety again (as a reaction to starting school again, missing my mom, and a few other things). I eventually stopped going to church, reading the bible, and praying. I had trouble sleeping most nights and I didn’t eat much during the day (my lowest weight was 104 lbs. I am 5’4″). I would rarely pray during my anxiety attacks and hardly even thought about God.
The anxiety continued until January/Februrary of 2016. At this time I started to get into a lot of new age practices, Yoga, meditation, following the moon phases, etc. I tried to justify it and look for a way to excuse it as Christian, I even joking a Christian yoga group. I wasn’t going to church or reading the bible and I was clearly not good at discernment. I would say that I was an atheist really. I was so unhappy at this point. But God was calling me back. At first I thought he was c allying me to the Eastern Orthodox Church, I had visited a service and told everyone that I was converting. I ever went back to a service though because it just wasn’t working for me.
So I continued not doing anything. I still wasn’t happy. I was eating and doing normal things but in my core I was not happy.
It was about late June-early July, when I decided to just go and buy a new Bible, a different translation something fresh and new that I can mark up and read. I bought a beautiful ESV bible. But after it arrived I still didn’t read it. I was scared honestly. I didn’t have the energy and boy was I scared. One night it changed though, I decided I need to read at least something, even if it is one or two verses. I told myself that I could work my way up to reading more.
I started by reading the book of Philemon. And every day I would read short books from the Epistles. One night while reading Epeshians, I came to chapter 4 verse 29, I had realized that I had said something not very nice about a girl at school that day. I immediately repented, of what I said but also for many other things. I also apologized to the girl and we are friends now 🙂
I followed many Facebook groups and Instagram accounts that I thought were Christian so that my whole life would be saturated. I started to attend a non-denominational charismatic seeker-driven church. I loved going and I went every week, but I didn’t feel like I was growing in thee Lord there. God had opened my eyes to many different things that I had never heard before. One of these things was that women cannot be pastors (1 Timothy 2:12). I felt a very strong conviction for this. So you can imagine my shock when I came into this church one Sunday to find that they had invited a woman to preach.
The search for a new church had begun…
Soli Deo Gloria
Read Part 1
Read Part 2
Read Part 3
Read Part 5